Everything is contained in everything else. How I show up in one area of my life is often how I show up in all of them.
I knew I was starting to feel free and more restricted. When I finally couldn't take it anymore, I rebelled in full force.
I was aware that in the past when when I started to feel too restricted whether it be money, time, freedom, etc I would start to rebel aka self-sabotage in some way.
18 weeks ago I posted a video about a sugar cleanse I was leading. I had recently began to “kick” my sugar habit. In the video I was illuminating the idea that it talks about 16-18 weeks to change a habit or reach a goal. In yoga if you practice the same kriya or meditation every day for 120 days straight, you will confirm the new habit of consciousness created by the practice and the positive benefits of said practice get integrated permanently into your psyche.
To watch that video, click here.
I assumed for me, that if I kept and maintained eating in a more healthful way & fueling my cells with what keeps them alive that I would be done with eating processed sugar and stress eating. I assumed that after 18 weeks, I’d be done.
But you're never done.
Around week 12, I made some small changes to the amount of fresh veggies I was adding to my smoothies and meal because I wanted to save some money on groceries. (I’m going to Sanoviv Medical to get my Nutrition Advisor Certification and was saving up for the trip.) I was trying to do too much, I was putting too much pressure on myself to do everything, all at once.
This restriction to my eating, where I was adding as much organic greens and veggies to my meal so everything looked full and luscious to my portions just looking smaller and not really feeling satisfied by the meal, this restriction sent me into full on rebellion mode.
For 3 weeks, I started driving to the store grabbing some vegan-friendly chocolate covered almonds and eating them on the way home. And by eating them I mean finishing them by the time I got home.
I would ask why is the behavior happening. Why now? What’s happened to trigger this? Over and over I would ask. And when I found myself not getting an answer, I dropped back into old negative self-talk.
So I kept asking, why now? What is it?
At the same time, I started to set clearer boundaries around work, teaching and training my tribe. When I noticed, my schedule getting to restricted, aka: no free time for friends or just to play, I saw myself trying to rebel against showing up. This was my ah-ha. I saw how I was creating overwhelm around work and I want to just stop all together. Run away and never look back.
I recognize that everything is related. If I’m feeling like this here, where else do I feel this?
When your life starts feeling to overwhelming or to confusing, ask "where else do I feel like this in my life?"
Oh, when I eat. I wasnt finding any answers when I asked about my self-sabatoge around eating, but when I asked in the area of my work life -"Where do I feel this way in my other areas?" The message came loud and clear.
Sometimes, when you're in resistance, you cant just ask, "why"? Sometimes, you just gotta roll with it and focus your energy one creating balance somewhere else in your life. In that action, you may find the answer to your original question.
When I see that I’m restricting so much to save pennies, I rebel and go back to old patterns
When my work schedule is too strict and full, I rebell and fall back into old patterns of self-sabotage.
When I feel restricted in money, I rebel I buy frivolous things that I never use or even want.
What I learned in my health journey was to pace myself. A lifestyle has to be sustainable. You have to grow slowly and consistently into your new way of being. If to take on too much for too long, you get burnt out, you get resentful, you self-sabotage and rebel.
Pace yourself. Even after big leaps and level ups, get your footing before you launch again, otherwise you could fall as fast as you rise. So for now, I am back to eating in a way that feels good and in alignment with the program I started following 18-weeks ago, I am saving money in more mindful and healthful ways that don't feel restricted & I am creating more freedom in my work schedule to allow me to show up in the way I want to.
So now I want to hear from you,
When do you first noticed you're starting to self-sabatoge?
What practices do you have to maintain your mindfulness and awareness?
How do you rebel when you feel too restricted?
Comment below, I'd love to chat about it.